Fifty-Eighth Step

About sugar detox, from essortment.com. Haha, I have had all of these symptoms, which would be interesting if I wasn't getting a little tired of it:

"Many people choose to detox from sugar in order to achieve optimal good health. Refined sugars cause the body to become sluggish and unhealthy when eaten in generous quantities. Obesity is often caused by sugars. Many food items contain sugar or starches that turn to sugars once eaten. These foods aren't often considered sweets or desserts, yet they have a high sugar content just the same. It is often these foods in particular that are most missed when detoxing from sugar.

Considerations

One of the more common symptoms of sugar detox is headaches. As the body discards these toxins and moves them toward elimination, it also feels a letdown of sorts, which results in a headache. From mild to severe, the headache pain varies from person to person. Keep the body hydrated when detoxing to help eliminate the toxins faster and alleviating the headache pain as well. If the headaches occur for more than three straight days, a call to your doctor is advised.

Considerations

Lethargy is another sugar detox symptom. This symptom typically occurs in the day or days following the headache phase. Since sugar can act as a stimulant, it will react to a decrease of that stimulant with a slower heart rate. This will register in the mind and body as a lack of energy. This phase can last up to 10 days.

Considerations

A body that is detoxing from sugar may incur the symptom of skin rashes. Much in the way that the heart rate reacts by slowing down once the toxin level has decreased, so does the skin react similarly. When the amount of sugar in the system has decreased significantly, it is actually throwing out poisons, some of which are eliminated through skin cells. After this happens, the skin starts to "come alive" and become an active part of the detox process. This discarding of toxins in conjunction with the new skin activity may cause itching or a rash. These symptoms usually last only a few days. Once again, hydration is imperative.

Considerations

People who don't typically suffer from colds may find they get one when detoxing from sugar. This is one of the body's natural ways of eliminating some of the last of the toxins in your body. While the cold may temporarily be a detriment, it will ultimately aid in the return to optimal health.

Benefits

While these sugar detox symptoms aren't particularly pleasant, they are small sacrifices to make in light of the bigger picture. Once the toxins have left the body, the sluggish feeling will give way to new energy. The skin will become healthy and more radiant, and the mind will be clearer and far more able to function."

In case anyone is still reading and wants to keep hearing my detox rantings, I've experienced all of the following too (except boils), from healthynewage.com (not a site I'd particularly recommend). It's crazy to me how much sugar had been "involved" in my system, shown by the severity of detoxing from it--why do I feel like I have the flu? It's "just sugar." The insomnia has been particularly annoying, like my brain is itching. The baby had a skin rash too, and now has diaper rash. Clarissa was nice enough to inform me about the bad breath:

"Detox symptoms can include skin rashes or eruptions, headaches, bad breath (sometimes, very bad breath!), unusual body odors, dizziness, nausea, feelings of fatigue or even slight depression, gas, diarrhea, colds, ear infection, insomnia, boils, itching, etc. You can experience temporary periods of confusion, and lack of appetite. You may be very thirsty at times. Why is this a good thing? Well, assuming the detox doesn't happen faster than the overall system can handle it, the symptoms indicate that the immune system is working properly, that toxins are being eliminated and that the body is working toward balance again. Usually, a healing crisis should last no more than three days."

A last note--I'll say it again, don't try this at home, folks. You really can't do it alone--you need support, a well-thought out plan and some healing under your belt before you attempt a detox. Studies show it can be harder to get off sugar than cocaine (but I personally have no way to compare). And I'm not just talking about white sugar or high fructose corn syrup, but bread, fruit juice, dried fruit, tortillas, baked goods, honey, etc. It all gets broken down into the same thing: sugar. Some people can handle it in moderation, but I am sugar sensitive (check out the Radiant Recovery website) and my brain gets a hit similar to morphine or heroin. Even a little sugar makes me want more more more, so just trying to limit it hasn't worked for me in the past. Much like an alcoholic can't have " just one drink." It has taken me a while to accept that this is just the way my body is, unless God supernaturally heals me. For now He is healing me through what my Radiant Recovery friends call "doing the food." :)

Fifty-Seventh Step

Drum roll...After two years of adding in good, good foods and a steady diet of them, I am finally detoxing from sugar. If you are out there reading this and think, "I want to stop sugar," don't do it. Read Potatoes not Prozac or The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Program by Kathleen DesMaisons. Go to www.radiantrecovery.com and start with breakfast. Believe me, if you try to go cold turkey, you will be miserable and just end up bingeing in a couple weeks. So give yourself the gift of a tried-and-true program that takes into account all aspects of what's going on in your brain and body each time you turn to sugar. And definitely ask me more about it!

I've already seen some progress after doing the first 5 steps of the program leading up to detox, but taking sugars out and the subsequent six months is where the most visible healing takes place. Goals of all this do not involve a masochistic restriction mentality, but a desire for real, natural, long-term healing without the side effects of medication. Here are some of my goals:

1. getting out of the pit of low-grade depression
2. having more energy for life
3. enjoying life free from addiction
4. not basing my days and social times on how I will get my sugar fix
5. reducing chronic body pain, inflammation, fatigue
6. eventually losing some weight so I can look and feel healthier
7. more patience with my family and more stable mood
8. winning battles with yeast overgrowth, hormone imbalances, and insulin resistance
9. not having anything be my master except Jesus Christ.

I really thank God for leading me to this program and giving me the faith to keep going even when it was hard to believe I was getting anywhere. This week has been hard, since my companions have been headaches, body aches, tummy aches, and today, joint aches (wild--feels like I have arthritis and hurts to go up and down the stairs. Has really given me new empathy for people suffering from joint pain--I'm used to fibromyalgia muscle pain). Plus the almost-six-month old sweetie has had a hard time the past few days, but she'll thank me later for how great she feels. : )

Please pray, y'all, because it takes a lot of praying and depending on Jesus to change 20 years of abusing my body with pounds and pounds of sugar and non-foods. But it's going well, and is not like any other time I've stopped "using." I am not panicking, not really craving, not being dramatic and pouty with my family. This weekend I did have to escape and go nurse the baby when the rest of the family had cake at Grandma and Grandpa's, for mine and 2 other birthdays, this weekend (It was even gluten-free, but at least that way my kids could eat it). Honestly, I've tried to get myself to be mad and stomp out of the room when my family is picking out Halloween treats after dinner, but I really am OK. I feel calm. I do not want what it does to me.

Fifty-Sixth Step

I had been feeling the "winter blues," and I don't mean seasonal depression (although I tend to deal with that, but that's what my lightbox is for!). I mean the WHY AREN'T YOU DOING ANY WINTRY FUN THINGS WITH YOUR KIDS, YOU LAZY MEAN MOMMA! blues. There are some lies embedded in that statement, but that's the way it first rings when I hear it. I mean, we didn't even make CHRISTMAS cookies, and we definitely have not built a snowman yet. So today I made at least 4 trips up and down stairs between the basement and 2nd floor to find socks for feet (and hands in Charlie's case since his mittens are missing, the little kitten), hats, snowpants, jackets with velcro apparatuses on them, and those little-worn things called scarves. Which both decided they really wanted to pull down OFF their faces, so both got red freezer burn on their cheekies. I will NEVER get their Christmas pictures done.

I bravely decided to send them out while nursing the baby in the kitchen who had gotten really crabby due to boycotting her morning nap. Never fear, I could see them very well, yellow/black and pink/green against the snow. I did get their initial reactions on the camera video (my only video of choice these days), since before now they had been practically forbidden to walk in or touch the stuff in our mad rushes between the house and the van. "No, we don't have time to wonder as we wander! You must resist the magnetic pull of magical, glittery, freshly fallen snow!!" Well, not today--today I was the epitome of setting them free, watching from the kitchen as they ran around with DELIGHT. Schnookie would say it, "We did go in the SNOW and we did play in the SNOW! Heh heh. And we did have FUN in the SNOW!" Honey promptly plopped down for a snow angel. Schnookie crawled like an army guy, and even got out his tricycle, which he "rides" like someone waddling with a load in his pants. But not today, precious, not today. Today the pants have been unloaded. That didn't come out right. This post is getting more and more weighty. Hahahaha, some potty humor for you. OH, and to top off my wintry fun image, I did NOT forget the cocoa, for mommy either (since I did venture out to take some pics).

Fifty-Fifth Step

It's UPDATE CITY time. Here's some random ones:

1. Yard sale - We passed the $400 mark! Woo hoo! (is it tacky to share yard sale profits?)
2. Radiant Recovery - I'm still working on step 3 out of 7 to heal my sugar addiction and depression. This has been awesome: www.radiantrecovery.com .
3. Still enjoying helping people with pregnancy, women's health and fertility issues. Two great books are Naturally Healthy Woman by Shonda Parker and Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition by Marilyn M. Shannon.
4. Overjoyed that a good friend with one little exuberant boy angel is having a sweet little girl angel this April.
5. Survived two birthdays in December, plus this little-known holiday where we try to do a simple celebration of a little baby named Jesus but it turns into a big hullabaloo and it's still good but afterward you look around and think "What happened?".
6. The two birthdays mean that I now have a THREE-year-old boy (who's almost pottytrained except for a very unfortunate accident today that resulted in much mess on mommy's hands and a bath) and a FIVE-year-old girl (who's not napping at the moment and I really really want her to be). It'll be super freaky when she turns 6--that is like a PRETWEEN. Hahaha.
7. I have decided to call my kids those cute little nicknames blogger moms use. I will now refer to my three kids as Tweedle, Deedle, and Dum. Isn't that just precious? Just kidding. For real, I'll use "Honeygirl," "Schnookieboy," and "Sweetieheart." If I were to spell the last one phonetically (which refers to my 5-MONTH-OLD baby--she'll be a year before we know it!) I would write "Sveetieheart," but Schnookieboy is enough of a stretch for people already. I'll probably shorten them to Honey (the girl with the honey-colored hair), Schnookie and Sweetie, just so you know. They are in reverse chronological order too, another hint for those who know my little chonkers.
8. I'll practice, because I know I'll revert back to real names at times. "Sweetie" is rolling over like a champ, both ways, turning in a circle with her head as the compass point with all her rollings, and scooting some too. She can't quite get her knees up, but is trying. I think she'll be the earliest crawler yet. Watch out, unfinished projects stuffed under the desk!!

Fifty-Fourth Step

OK, top 3 things I'm battling right now and the antidotes:
1. yeast overgrowth = grapefruit seed extract, whole garlic clove, and plenty of probiotics. A big clue with this for me is major, major sugar cravings, and then some weird happenings after eating sugar. Creepy crawlies, other goings-on not for the blogosphere.
2. sleep deprivation = submitting to God about my bedtime for the first time EVER. Been battling this for 2+ years (knowing the good I should do, get to bed before 10, and not doing it, as in getting to bed at 1 for the past week). Who do I think I'm impressing by rebelling in this manner??
3. body pain = massage today. Tried hyaluronic acid for this but it made me and the baby sleepless, malic acid/magnesium seems to make a tiny bit better but EXERCISE, BABY, there's the key. Got the trampoline out, and BIG NEWS: Mom Sagar is letting us borrow her treadmill INDEFINITELY. I am sky high about this, like to the moon, Alice. We will have a fly time with our rebounding and walking going on. The sprained ankle has prevented me from doing my Bikram yoga video (which happens to be for pregnancy but fits my skill level any 'ol time) or from vigorous running (which happens to be um, physically impossible for me at this stage of the game). The ipod my sweet elf got me lifts my intentions and heightens my experience while doing said exercise. Well, we still need to pick up said treadmill for said exercise in said white truck covered in said snow. You know the one.
4. (a little extra info for ya) mood swings = placenta pills. Just kidding, I'm not really having mood swings too much, but I did take placenta pills after having Abri. Just wanted to shock and awe you, since you are brave enough to be reading this far.

Fifty-Third Step

OK, I admit it. My dishwasher and I are kind of sort of competing with each other. I am challenging it to perform to the highest possible standards--with things stacked strategically and with it packed as full as I can get it to get the most bang for my buck in terms of water usage, and using ecover natural detergent to boot, e.g. it's not getting any breaks with a high-powered nasty detergent either. So despite me not being very easy on it, it is answering back that it can handle it! And that gives me joy every time I open and unload it to admire its handiwork. I truly am impressed, dishywasher. But we will keep upping the ante, a friendly battle of wills. Because we all know that in the heart of every appliance there is a temptation to be lazy, to give up, or to perform less than its best. Don't do it, dishy. I'm counting on you.

P.S. Hey, as long as we're talking and getting things out in the open, D, could you improve in the caked-on egg arena? Look, I've paid my dues for 5 years, scrubbing dishes by hand. You've only been working this joint for 2 years! And you have an electric spinny-arm thingy. I definitely don't have one of those, unless I happened to secretly be a villain on Spiderman.

Fifty-Second Step

Whew, I didn't realize I left the blogosphere on such a heavy note. :) Lately we're purging the house. This started because of listening to Dave Ramsey too much--he has inspired us to get rid of debt once and for all. And not to pay for our house 3 times over (not that we're planning on being here that long, but only like 40 bucks goes to principal each month? Silly!). So we each listened to Total Money Makeover on our ipods (would Dave approve?) and tried to come up with solutions and get "gazelle intense." We don't have car loans to knock off by selling a vehicle, or any school loans. This seems like a good thing, but with our budget so tight and only one income, it seemed the only solution to start getting ahead of Chase Bank (where we have a little bit of debt, not getting bigger, but not going away--it doesn't magically go away, did you guys know that?) was, "What can we sell??" And I became determined to have a yard sale before the snow started falling.

I know that the basement has needed truckloads hauled out of it for a while now. But this yard sale on Saturday has given me extra incentive. Plus we want to make a play area in the basement for the kids, and a "craft" area for me so I can pretend I'm crafty (and keep my unfinished projects in one place at least). Haha. I'll let you know how it goes!! It is hard to let God continue to break "the comfort of stuff" that I've had since childhood--if things are chaotic around me, I always have FOOD and my STUFF. That worked when my metabolism was high and my grandpa was sending me money for my checking account. Not true anymore for either of those. :) I'm a grown-up now, in theory, and with Christ's help I can let go of those things that bind me. Heaven knows I'm not enjoying stumbling over boxes of kids' clothes, my saxaphone from 5th grade, random babyproofed decor that got sent to the basement (go to your room, vase from Arizona! We like you but you're too expensive to be a drum!), a desk I was saving for when we homeschool next year but I just realized is backwards (has the desk BEHIND the seat, must have been pregnant when I got that) and rotated-out toys that have never gotten rotated back in. Not enjoying it one bit, precious. So I am cutting the cord. Bye bye, stuff we don't use. Hello, more room for the people who matter, and hello, more space to breathe! It's like on Matrix where he takes a deep breath and "warbles out" the space around him like it's breathing too--I just picture our house taking a big breath (whoomp) and letting it out after we're done. I certainly will. And I'll slick back my hair too, and wear ratty clothes, and answer my landline phone frantically...

Fifty-First Step

Posting a poem. From that college project I found. I was studying religious poetry, specifically urban religious poetry. Only at a liberal arts school, baby. I think this poem is in some form that I don't remember, it's kind of sad I can relate to it still, disclaimer, disclaimer. But I am further now in my healing, praise God.

Here it is:

For Whom the Lord Loves

"Do not reject the discipline of the Lord." -Prov. 3:11

"But they lie in wait for their own blood;
They ambush their own lives." -Prov. 1:18

I spat out the Lord's reproof, wholly
to find that he stretched out a hand
armed with warm blood, an absence.
How many times would I withhold

this life already given? He held ground
that had never been broken, for lives
that before had only beheld Him
thickly, for no real length of time.

To be able to stare--is that what
I have been wanting? Yes, of late
I have looked directly ahead. Yes,
the Lord loves to correct me,

His delight, one dug from the grave,
writhing. But I am kept from wisdom
by hands and feet clumped together
under one name, streets loud with shame

and my neck red as I about face
Him, covered in devices, my own
derision. Have I kept sound wisdom?
Am I lying in wait, my blood rushing?

Fiftieth Step

Woo hoo! This is the 50th step celebration. Watch out, this is also the potential spewing of everything I have been waiting to spew for 8 weeks. Abriana is 8 weeks old at 11:41 tonight, and despite facing some nursing challenges and strange sleeplessness (the eyes popping open after nursing so long I'm sure she's knocked out), my most common name for her is "sweetheart." "You're such a booper scooper" (and then chomping on her cheek) seems to be the next most common phrase, a slight variation of Clarissa's name (scoopy doo) and less like Charlie's (schnookie boy).

Sweetheart is unpredictable and often chomps still with nursing, but I do still love her so. I often wonder if others really think she's cute, or just think she's "small" and therefore, in the cute category. It doesn't really matter; I think she's gorgeous. Just a little pimply right now, and her eyes can still get a little goopy from slight tear duct blockage. Looks a lot like Clarissa but with darker hair, especially when Daddy holds her and she turns her head facing out and her hair is sticking out about 2 inches past her head in that Don King fashion. That is just like Clarissa's Christmas picture that we sent out, but Abriana will not be getting anything sent out, except electronically. She has been lucky to at least get a Facebook posting with some pics. You can also check out our website for a link to some pics, for those who have the address. I won't post the address here because this is a public page. Sorry, folks. I am still trying to get the camera downloaded to get some more current ones out there. It has been fun to see God enlarging my heart as we welcome each child--emotionally I feel better able to love a new baby than ever, even as crazy as things are. I look back on the postpartum time with Clarissa and still see a lot of healing possible; I shudder inside and at times feel sick when I think of how hard that was. When I compare it to Abriana, I feel blessed, clear-headed, and only overwhelmed 25% of the time compared to 100% with Clarissa. :) Maybe 50% overwhelmed with the house though.

I am feeling very emotional today, a bit sad and low, like I'm just looking for something to cry about. I have found some things. It's terribly disappointing to me to get through a weekend and not "go anywhere fun." To start another week without getting out as a family (which I am dependent still on Robert for in some ways--it's hard to get anywhere myself with all 3, especially when she may not nurse well and I have to come home to have a good session) is pretty depressing. It's like, "What's the point? I just have to do another week of the SAME THING." I muscled my way through and got us to go to a fair last Sunday, which was comically small and not worth the 1.5-hour drive, so this weekend I was humbled and only flashed the "Go!" section at Robert and dreamed aloud about all the (free) things we could do, but did not push anything through. So nothing happened. If I am not the master of my destiny, why does it feel like I have to push and push to get fun into my life?? Why does it seem so hard to get together with friends--with other moms or with other families on the weekend? Where's the spontaneity? I feel like I don't know where to begin, because don't want to get too much on the plate but want to start somewhere.

A baby step. I tried to get up the courage to invite someone to go walking with me during Thursday school but chickened out with two different people because with one I was "sure she already had plans for that morning" and with the other I lost her in the shuffle and never got to ask. Need to plan in advance I suppose. And need to decide if Charlie is really "ready" to go there, when I am pretty sure he's not and I only want him to do it if it's fun for him--with us planning to homeschool, it's not like he has to get used to a classroom environment and getting shuttled from place to place. They said he had the hardest time (cried and cried) during "transitions," and when he wouldn't participate and had to sit in a chair. That makes me so sad!! Getting corrected by new people is so hard for a sensitive little boy--so hard for anyone, because I STILL remember the mortified feeling of getting corrected. Plus he is not completely potty trained, by any means. I was telling a dear friend that I basically potty train on Tuesday and Wednesday before Thursday school, and then leave it alone the rest of the week. It's mostly me, not much effort or initiation on his part unless it involves a prize or McQueen underwear. I just feel like if we take him out, halfway through the year he'll feel sad and left out (or I will feel sad at the Christmas program, or like we failed somehow), and it's more efficient to have two in and one out--it would be a lot of effort to get there, with just Clarissa benefiting. But she loves it.

Yesterday I did something productive though, even if it wasn't so fun. I started to clean out the basement, and got dust in my brain I think. Was so foggy today, and my nose feels choked up and my eyes are red and raw. Not happy that I passed these allergies on to my little boy (and food allergies to maybe all my kids), who is currently wheezing a little due to his slight asthma whenever he gets a cold virus. If he runs, he starts coughing and worrying me. How do you tell a 2-year-old not to run? Anyway. In the basement I found my poetry project from my senior year in college, and one of the lines is "Smite me. I am not being honest." I so admire my dear friend who is so real and open in her blog, and love reading it. I was crying tonight while reading it, because she's so special and I hadn't read it for a while. I love getting to know her even more through this unique voice into her life. I have been reevaluating what to do here, since daily posting is a major thing of the past--even monthly posting, judging by my last blog date. :) I do want to share our life with people, and the things I'm learning. So I'll just keep to that as my focus. I don't have beautiful crafts to show you or amazing parenting adventures, but I have real struggles and real victories. Laughing with my kids tonight and pretending they were babies honking my nose was a victory for me. Last night I was thinking, after reading a historical fiction book by Lori Whitstone? about Dakota Indians, if I were to get a Native American name for bravery that I would be totally proud of, it would be Loves Children. I am not there yet. I love certain children whose families I know and love, but am generally still afraid of the child population in general. Not in a freaked out phobia kind of way, but in an apprehensive, keep my distance kind of way. Cleaning out the basement of my life (I think I'm borrowing that image from a friend; you'll just have to trust me that she doesn't want to be quoted directly) means clearing out what being a kid meant to me, and the fear I faced. Life was unpredictable, and being a kid was dangerous. So I valued acting like a grown up. Now I want to learn how to be a kid again!! Lord, help me. It's hard to let go of the stuff that weighs me down. Being in slavery to things, the feeling that my stuff was what I had to cling to growing up, is not necessary anymore. And the feeling that only "serious" things are important. I want to make a playroom for my kids down there. And for me.